Civil Discourse

7 Apr

Excerpts of messages I’ve gotten over the last week from people who disagree with a policy decision my workplace has made:

“What an upside down cesspool you live in.”

“You people don’t know anything about the Constitution.”

“A communication spokesman-type person possessing well developed skills is sorely in absentia” [Note: I am the spokesperson]

“You need to lose your job.”

“Your organization is a pathetic failure, and so are you as ‘officials.’ Resign NOW.”

“You disguist [sic] me.”

“You are full of shit.”

“You are as disgusting as they get.”

“You must truly hate our country… Communist traitors.”

“Add Music Watson to the enormous list of disgusting San Diego toilet fish… You’re a freaking disgrace.”

“You are useless pieces of shit. Fuck you.”

“Tone deaf lazy fucks… You people suck dick, unAmerican [sic] pieces of human shit… You people are fucking lazy, stupid and retarded… FUCK YOU and eat SHIT and DIE motherfuckers.. Dick sucking, pig snout fucking trash.”

Aren’t people lovely?

Six Months

20 Mar

My mom died six months ago today.

I usually track it Sunday-to-Sunday, since she died on a Sunday. It was 24 weeks last week and in the ensuing week, I sort of lost track of the date. But this morning, I looked at the “on this day” feature of Facebook. There was a post from many moons ago today noting that it was my six-month wedding anniversary, and then I remembered. Sept. 20, our wedding anniversary. Sept. 20, the day my mom died. March 20, six months after that date.

I miss her.

We’re Still Here

5 Mar

Oh my goodness, how is it possible I haven’t posted since January?!?

I guess it’s because things have been busy. Fortunately, we all remain healthy.

Michaela is doing well with homeschool (Mike’s a great teacher). She recently did some testing and it showed she’s continuing to grow academically and has above average scores. She’s doing an in-person ceramics class one day a week, which gets her out of the house, and doing some masked socializing with peers. It really makes a huge difference, because Mike and I are definitely not 11-year-old girls.

Mike has been very busy with work. As the COVID-19 rates decline in our county, he’s doing more in-person video shoots as well as livestreams and Zoom-style recordings for clients all over the state. We had a couple of weeks where he was traveling a lot; now he’s home but will begin traveling again in a week or so.

All of Mike’s parents have received at least one dose of the COVID vaccine. My dad is scheduled to get his at the end of March. And I go get mine tomorrow!

I’ve been thoroughly immersed in TK-12 school employee vaccinations for the last few weeks, which has led to some extremely stressful long days. I realized last week that I was feeling as stressed as I was in March 2020. Considering that I nearly died from stress then, that was not a good place to be. It’s better now, mostly, but I have to continue to be conscious of my blood pressure and do what I can (exercise, rest, etc.) to keep it down.

In coming weeks, we will have a visit from Mike’s mom and stepdad, which we’re very excited about. And hopefully we’ll be able to do more of the stuff we’ve enjoyed during these strange times: talking walks around our neighborhood, going for hikes, playing boards games, doing puzzles, and spending (distanced) time with friends.

A Birthday Getaway

28 Jan

Not my birthday.

Jan. 27 would have been my mom’s 68th birthday. I was dreading it and decided to take the day off from work, so I could lay in bed and cry if that’s how the day went. Then I got the brilliant idea to take the whole week off, and then it turned out that it was a Zoom-free week for Michaela’s school. So we decided to take a trip to the Grand Canyon, which I’d always wanted to see.

Facing inclement weather, we took then less scenic I-15 to 1-40 route, which got us there safely and with minimal snow during our drive time. Good thing, too, because it proceeded to snow more than a foot on the route we would have taken!

When we got to the Grand Canyon, it was unlike anything I’d ever seen. There was snow EVERYWHERE. It was snowing. The ground was covered in snow. Buildings and cars were covered in icicles. It was in the teens when we arrived and highs were in the 20s during most of our stay. That’s a lot of weather for two San Diego girls!

Michaela loves the snow and had a blast diving in it, making snowballs and snowmen, and sledding. We drank gallons of hot chocolate and hiked around the rim on the canyon– which we couldn’t see! It was so snowy and so socked in with fog that we literally could only see quick glimpses of it when the snow slowed or the fog shifted. It was a real winter wonderland, and it was delightful.

Because of the weather, we ended up adding another night at the Grand Canyon, so we were there when the storm finally passed and the sun came out. So, on our last day there, we woke up at dawn to watch the sun rise over the canyon and then retreated to our room, which was in the park and had a view of the canyon, to warm up and soak in the panorama.

My mom always loved the colors of the desert and the idea of Arizona livin’ (sadly, she never went), so it felt right to be there on her birthday. Being there was a pleasant distraction, though I couldn’t help but miss her. It was weird to not buy a postcard for her on our travels. It was weird not to call her and tell her about our adventures. And of course more fundamentally, it was heartbreaking not to be able to celebrate with her by having breakfast, which was our go-to tradition.

I guess I have to get used to it.


5 Jan

Having a tween comes with highs and lows. The lows generally involve big emotions (hormones? the pandemic? personality? all of the above? something else?). The highs vary.

I decided that in 2021, I want to be better about doing #MeatlessMondays. I also thought it would be a good idea to get Michaela in the kitchen in a more intentional way. So I gave her a choice: Do you want to do #TweenCooksTuesdays or #TweenCooksThursday? (There’s no alliteration with the other days!)

She picked Tuesday and I charged her with coming up with something to make. She sent me this recipe for easy chicken ramen and said she wanted to make it; we had all the stuff on hand, so it seemed like a great choice.

Mike helped with the chicken. I supervised everything else. And it was a success! The soft boiled egg was probably the best I’ve ever had, and the broth developed a way better depth of flavor than I would have expected given the short cook time. Mike and I both really liked it. Michaela was on the fence. Which is actually a good lesson, and part of what I hope to impart through this process.

I didn’t cook as a kid. Most of what my mom cooked was from a box or a can, so I didn’t have a great example of cooking from scratch or culinary innovation. I’m hoping that by having Michaela cook more (and let’s be honest, there’s no way it will be every week), she will develop this important life skill.

Merry Christmas

26 Dec

Christmas was weird this year. I guess it’s to be expected. We’re in the middle of a pandemic. We can’t do anywhere or see anyone. My mom is dead.

We invited my dad and brother over for breakfast and present opening. That was before I remembered my brother had been diagnosed with COVID (can you tell we’re not close?). I ended up calling him on Christmas Eve to see what the deal was and he said his most recent test was inconclusive. When we talked, I could hear his seatbelt chime in the background so I asked what he was up to; he said he and the girl he’s dating were going to have dinner with friends. So I uninvited him.

I felt terrible thinking of him not being with family on the first Christmas my mom is gone. We should all have been together. But it didn’t seem like a good idea. In my opinion, he’s not behaving responsibly, and I don’t want any of us — especially my dad — to catch COVID because I indulged someone who’s making bad decisions.

So in the end, my dad came over and the four of us (me, Mike, Michaela, and my dad) hung out. Mike made and delivered from-scratch made cinnamon rolls to our favorite neighbors, and then we opened what felt like a million presents. We videochatted with Nana and Papa and opened each others’ gifts, and videochatted with our sister-in-law (Mike’s bro’s wife). By then it was practically noon and all we’d eaten was cinnamon rolls. My dad took off, we had brunch, and Michaela spent the next few hours playing with her new gifts.

Mike made a big dinner for some friends who’ve been going through tough times and we delivered that before settling in for the evening. We all had fun and enjoyed each others’ company. It was a nice day.

Making Lemonade

21 Dec

Michaela and I headed out last Friday, planning to drive across the county to deliver Christmas presents to my work colleagues. We’d gotten about 20 miles south, near the U.S.-Mexico border, when the tire sensor on my car went crazy. A minute later, there was a loud, urgent “thwap, thwap, thwap, thwap” sound that clearly had something to do with the driver’s side rear tire.

The part of town where we were didn’t have a shoulder to pull to, so we drove a few blocks until we could find a safe place to pull over. It was just in the nick of time, too, because the monitor showed my tired pressure ticking down like a second clock. I watched with grave concern as I waited for the light to turn green so we could pull over, and the sensor ticked down to nearly 0 PSI.

We pulled onto a side street and called Mike. After looking in the trunk, it was clear that my card doesn’t have a spare– not even a donut! (Ironically, the car does include a beautiful sturdy tire changing set and pristine white gloves so you don’t dirty your hands when working on your car.) So I called AAA, which dispatched a tow truck to see if they could fix my flat.

The person from AAA was super helpful, and the tow truck came quickly. The driver tried filling the tire so he could identify the hole, but the air came gushing out in a steady stream. He found a six-inch-long nail that had become embedded in the tire and told me he couldn’t fix it but we weren’t too far from a tire shop.

Then came the question of how were we going to get there. Because of COVID, you can’t ride in the cab of the two truck. Mike could have come to get us, but it would have taken him a good half hour (at least) to reach us. And it would have taken a while for an Uber to reach us, too. The driver said we could ride in the backseat of my car, on the back of the flatbed tow truck, so that’s what we did. It took some convincing– Michaela was scared (and rightly so! I am pretty sure it’s illegal at worst and a bad idea at best). But that’s what we did. We got into the car, were towed to Discount Tire, which was only a mile away, and the friendly team there got to work.

When I came in, the man who helped us said I was the cheeriest person who had ever come in on the back of a tow truck. I’m pretty sure I beamed. No one ever calls me cheery!

But that really speaks to the power of perspective.

We could have been on the freeway when I got the flat. It could have been a blowout. We could have been in an area with no cell reception. We could have been far away from a tire shop. And, as I learned last year, my car could have caught on fire with us in it.

So yeah, you can bet that a flat tire didn’t worry me too much!

We got to Discount Tire at the perfect time. They took my car right away, took the tire off and checked it out, and were able to patch it in addition to cleaning and checking the tire pressure in all my tires. And it was completely free! A half hour or so later, Michaela and I were on our way.

My mother-in-law said poor Michaela would probably grow up to avoid driving after these car-related issues. But I hope she’ll instead take from this that keeping a cool head in a time of crisis can get you a long way in the face of automotive disaster… And that it never hurts to have AAA.


13 Dec

Michaela turned 11 yesterday. ELEVEN! How is that possible?

Pre-birthday, Michaela was feeling bummed. She couldn’t have the party she wanted with friends at a paint-your-own-ceramics place. And the back-up plan of having a friend over for a sleepover and then a tea party in her treehouse ended up not working out, too. She wanted Uncle Michael to come over for lunch, but he tested positive for COVID, so that was also out.

Having a birthday in the pandemic sucks!

(I remember thinking back in March and April, when everyone was doing drive-by birthday parties that I was glad Michaela’s birthday is in December and she wouldn’t have to deal with that. Boy, how wrong I was!)

Anyway. The other thing that was on her list was having Cousin Maggie come over to hang out. Fortunately, we were able to make that happen.

Michaela woke up to a house full of happy birthday swag– banners and pom pom garlands and streamers and more. Our neighbors had chalked happy birthday messages on our driveway, so when she went outside to meet a friend who dropped off her favorite bagels, Michaela was surprised by those warm wishes.

Michaela requested I make savory breakfast monkey bread, which I obliged, and Maggie joined us for breakfast before the two of them went for a hike in the canyon behind our house.

She also opened a mountain of presents, which included two Nerf guns and hundreds of Nerf bullets (the kids on our street typically have battles, and Michaela hasn’t been able to participate), a meal-in-a-mug cookbook (Michaela’s obsessed with making mug cakes; now she can expand her repertoire), the new Wimpy Kid book, oodles of art supplies, several craft kits, a new scooter, and more.

My biggest concern was making sure Michaela had a good day. This year has been rough and I wanted her to know, pandemic or not, that she’s loved and that this milestone is worthy of celebrating. And, thankfully, that’s how it turned out. Michaela said it was a good day and that she really enjoyed herself.

At the end of the night, I told her that the fact that so many people has thought of her that day was a testament to her being a good friend and a good person. I told her I was proud of her for that. She replied in a sarcastic tone, “Aww, what a nice inspirational speech.”

The tween spirit is strong with this one!


27 Nov

We have gotten into the habit as a family of taking a two-week international vacation at Thanksgiving. Last year, we went to Costa Rica, the year before, the Philippines, and before that, we did a Mediterranean cruise. Most of Mike’s family doesn’t live here, mine does but doesn’t like to do family gatherings, and it’s a nice off-season time to see the world.

This year, because of COVID, we’re stuck at home. It’s been really hard, because travel is my favorite thing in the world, and my preferred escape. And frankly, there’s been a lot I’d like to escape from this year.

We invited my dad over for dinner. I hated the thought of him sitting home alone eating dinner by himself (my brother was working), even though I also hated the idea of doing a family holiday dinner without my mom.

Mike cooked up a storm. Probably his best Thanksgiving dinner yet. Spatchcocked turkey, creamed corn, totally-from-scratch green bean casserole, twice-baked potatoes, and more. Michaela made the cranberry sauce. I tidied the house and did dishes.

Dinner was pleasant. We ate and chatted, and sent my dad home shortly after finishing because he doesn’t like to drove in the dark anymore.

I tried to have a positive attitude yesterday, focusing on what I have (my dad is still alive and we get to spend time with him) and not what I don’t have (my mom, travel). I realize we are so, so lucky — we have each other, we’re healthy, we (me and Mike) have good careers and a good teacher (Michaela). We have been riding out the pandemic in a big, spacious house. We have plenty of food on our plates. Too much, actually!

I’m hoping that approach will carry me through Christmas, which I expect will be much harder.


8 Nov

My mom was interested in a lot of things. She was passionate about a handful, especially in the realm of sports and politics.

Rafael Nadal, her favorite tennis player. When my mom died, I found a scrapbook she’d made with clippings of articles about his matches.

The Los Angeles Lakers, her favorite basketball team. My mom had a ton of Lakers memorabilia, and going to exhibition games when they came to San Diego was a highlight of my childhood.

The Los Angeles Dodgers, her favorite baseball team. When I was a kid, we would spend summer afternoons having picnics in front of the TV, watching Dodgers games with the creaky old box fan blowing to keep us cool. And when she was sick, my mom enjoyed watching Dodgers games when she was stuck in bed.

A woman’s right to choose, combatting climate change, expanding educational opportunities. My mom was passionate about liberal causes and, as an old hippie, wanted to leave the world better for me and Michaela and all who might come after us.

And she hated Donald Trump.

As crappy as this the last few months have been, there have been little things here and there that make me happy, knowing how happy they would have made my mom.

Rafa won the French Open. He is, after all, the king of clay.

The Lakers won the NBA championship.

The Dodgers won the World Series.

And yesterday, barring monkey business with the Electoral College, Joe Biden was declared the winner of the 2020 presidential election.

All of those things are bittersweet. I celebrate them for my mom, but I wish desperately she was here to celebrate with me. Today is seven weeks to the day my mom died. I’m hoping with more time, there will be more sweet than bitter.