Mike and Music

Wednesday night, Mike and I found ourselves in front of the television for three straight hours of reality television.  THREE HOURS!  On the one hand, I could feel my brain cells dying off, but on the other hand, I was really entertained! 

The evening began at 8 with the season finale of “America’s Next Top Model.”  There’s something about watching incredibly tall, thin girls “develop” themselves that tickles me.  It’s fun to watch them try (and fail, I guess), and to watch their interplay (with a house full of girls, there’s bound to be lots of cat fights).  The season finale started with three girls– a funky, bitchy girl named Jade (who referred to herself in third person, if that gives you any insight into her personality), a sweet but sort of country black girl named Danielle, and an All-American girl named Janie.  They cut Jade, and showed her leaving the Model’s Apartment snapping her fingers and rapping to herself.  Way to stay strong, my sista!  Tyra Banks and crew (including a really gay black guy they call “Miss J,” who, I swear, wears waaaay more makeup than I do, and a hot photographer/former model named Nigel) tell them about their final test– a fashion show on a long, slippery runway in some exotic Asian country.  The girls do their best (they’re fierce, as Tyra always says), but in the end, only one can be America’s Next Top Model.  It’s fun to guess who will win.  In the end, I was wrong– Danielle won.  The whole season, the judges gave her a hard time because of her accent, which was very thick and country (she’s from Arkansas), but that’s what speech coaches are for, right? See why I could feel my brain cells dying? At 9, after that stimulating hour of “Top Model,” we watched an hour of “Dateline NBC.”  Remember, now, that’s it’s May sweeps, so “Dateline” of course had something juicy and sensational.  Wednesday’s edition was: “To Catch a Predator IV.”   Cue ominous music.  

Basically, the show consists of a sting operation set up to humiliate (and capture) pedophiles.  Teaming with a group called Perverted Justice, and local police, they rig a house with lots of cameras and invite men to the house.  In online chatrooms, pedophiles approach what they think is a 13-14 year old girl or boy.  Sexy talk ensues.  The “teen,” really an adult member of Perverted Justice, claims to be home alone and is amenable to meeting up.  The “teen” asks the adult to bring something, like alcohol or condoms, which are later used to demonstrate the pedophile’s intent during prosecution.  Watching the show is like watching a train wreck.  The guys are all creepy looking.  Most of them are way older than they say they are while chatting online (example: the 61-year old who said he was 40 while chatting with what he thought was a 14-year old girl).  They come bringing Mike’s Hard Lemonade or vodka, condoms, and food.  When they get to the house, an adult with a young voice calls from another room for the adult to have a seat.  The pervert sits and is surprised by the “Dateline” reporter, who confronts them with the lurid details of their conversation with the “teen.”  Without fail, the men say it’s their first time.  That they weren’t really going to have sex with a teenager.  That they wanted to be a friend and mentor.  That they REALLY hope they can go without anyone knowing about this unfortunate incident.  Later in the conversation, the reporter tells them they’re on “Dateline” and a sound guy and a photographer come out.  The guys leave and are quickly caught outside by the waiting police. Wednesday’s show was even more interesting than the other ones (which are re-run on MSNBC all the time) for two reasons.  One was this crazy guy.  The other was a tree.  Sort of. 

A man shows up at the house with instructions to get naked when he gets inside.  Like an obedient fellow, he gets into the house and srips down to his birthday suit.  He’s poking around the living room (no pun intended) when the door opens and he runs smack into the “Dateline” reporter, who sternly instructs him to cover himself with a towel conveniently sitting on the couch.  The guy is chagrined and sheepishly sits down for his lecture.  The story gets even MORE weird when the reporter asks about the man’s special request of the “teen.”  This pervert wanted what he thought was a 14-year old girl to perform sex acts on her cat and even brought along a tub of Cool Whip so she could do so!  Needless to say, he was arrested along with the rest of the visitors to the house. 

The other thing that was odd, but in a funny way, was that each of the men were taken down outside the house by a guy in tree camouflage.  This edition of “To Catch a Predator” was filmed in Florida, where the rules about carrying concealed weapons are rather loose.  The police were afraid someone might pull out a gun, so they forcibly took down all of the people leaving the house.  They had an officer stationed in the bushes and when the person would exit the house, this guy dressed like a tree would throw himself on top of the pedophile.  It looked like a green version of Big Bird doing a “COPS” impersonation.  Quite funny. And that wasn’t the end of the reality t.v. marathon! At 10, Mike and I indulged ourselves in another guilty pleasure, Bravo’s “Top Chef.”  This show, if you haven’t seen it, pits a number of people against each other in a quest to win $100,000 in financial backing to open a restaurant.  The evening’s show began with three final contestants– Harold (mild-mannered, all business), Dave (a ball of nerves, very high-strung), and Tiffani (possibly a cheat, but definitely in it to win it).  Each show features a “Quickfire Challenge,” where the contestants have a short period of time to come up with some creative dish using certain ingredients.  The twist in this episode, the penultimate one of the season, was that rather than the winner getting immunity from being voted off, the loser was told to “pack your knives and go home.”  (Again, insert ominous music here) 

The three finalists were given 30 minutes to make two dishes for a group of “high rollers,” who we later learned were three of the former contestants (way to mix it up).  Then they had 30 minutes to make four dishes for some poker players.  Finally, the trio was told to make three dishes for performers in a Cirque du Soleil show.  Harold won two of the challenges and Dave won one, but the decision of who to send home wasn’t so easy.  Why?  Because Dave messed up the third challenge and only made two dishes!  He was, therefore, declared the loser of that portion of the “Quickfire Challenge.”   The judges deliberated, and in the end, it was Dave who was sent home.  This sets up a showdown in Las Vegas between Harold and Tiffani.  Next week, we’ll know, but for now, all we can do is ask ourselves, “who will be Top Chef?”   At 11, probably dumber than we started, Mike and I turned in.  I fell asleep in the first few minutes of the news, so while I can tell you about models, pedophiles, and chefs, I can’t tell you what was news that night.